Angelian Rhapsody
by Smurfette
Summary: A FILK from Queen's classic hit, 'Bohemian Rhapsody', covering the current Angel storylines and what happened over the summer


**Title: **Angelian Rhapsody   
**Author:** Smurfette   
**Email:** smurfette3001@yahoo.com   
**Disclaimer: **Not mine yadda yadda. Actual people used within had nothing to do with this and are used for entertainment purposes only; no offence is intended. 'Bohemian Rhapsody' belongs to Queen.   
**Rating:** You watch, you read.   
**Authors notes:** Scroll down for the lyrics only. This is just the way I pictured it being performed as I wrote it; it's in screen-play format because it's shorter and more succinct that way, and to turn it into actual fic would have ruined the flow even more.   
**Distribution:** Do the Faith-thing, but drop me a line, too.   
**Feedback:** of course! 

SCENE: A suburban living area, with couches and a television set.

A group of FANS enter the room. They have drinks and popcorn with them. They sit on the couches and turn on the television set. We hear the sounds of DARLING VIOLETTA's Angel theme drift from set. The FANS all stand up and face the camera.

**Fans:**   
"Is this the real show?   
Or is it sick fantasies?   
Ratings will landslide,   
Let's escape this reality. 

Open your eyes, look at all the crap and see..." 

CUT TO  
SCENE: The rooftop of the Hyperian Hotel.

ANGEL is standing there, staring out at the city of Los Angeles. He is clearly attempting to brood, although this is hampered somewhat as he's dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and board shorts.

**Angel:**   
"I'm just a Dork!Vamp, but I need your empathy.   
Because the soul will come, soul will go, little high, little low;   
Any way the curse goes, doesn't really matter to me, to me." 

CUT TO  
SCENE: the main office (I lose track of who's in charge now).

Behind the desk sits DAVID GREENWALT. His short is rumpled, and he's got papers strewn everywhere. He stands up, and you need to think the classicly over-acted "Alas, poor Yorrick!" scene in Hamlet.

**David Greenwalt:**   
"Jossy, just killed your show:   
Put Cordy in his head, started filming, now it's dead.   
Jossy, it had just begun,   
And now you've gone and taken it away!   
Jossy, oooo,   
Didn't mean to make them bleed --   
Surely fans can live without their eyes?   
But I'll leave, but I'll leave... as if it doesn't matter." 

As GREENWALT sings, a glowing CORDELIA floats through the roof behind him. We now go to a CLOSE UP of her.

**Cordy:**   
"Too late, I'm higher now,   
We'll pretend that it's all fine, though I'm glowing all the time.   
Goodbye, everybody, I've got to float,   
But don't hold your breath for me to go and die." 

CUT BACK to GREENWALT, who is being dragged out by security.

**David Greenwalt:**   
"Jossy, oooo, I don't want to leave,   
I sometimes wish I'd never been here at all!" 

CUT TO  
SCENE: The suburban living area, where FANS are actively agreeing with the final statement. From behind them, we can see on the TV set the outline of a woman with long hair painting her fingernails.

**Fans:**   
"I see a little silhouetto of a bitch!" 

CUT TO:  
SCENE on TV set.

Enter FRED and LORNE, who push the silhouette out of the way,.

**Fred and Lorne:**   
"Get her out! Get her out! Kye-rumption and Moira!" 

CUT TO  
SCENE: Streets of LA

CONNER is fighting demons.

**Conner:**   
"Vampire as my father? Could it get much harder? No!" 

CUT TO  
SCENE: Hyperion lobby. FRED, LORNE, GUNN, and ANGEL are playing hockey.

**Fred, Lorne and Gunn:**   
"Buffy who?" 

**Angel:**   
"Buffy who?" 

**Fred, Lorne and Gunn:**   
"Buffy who?" 

**Angel:**   
"Buffy who? Buffy who in Sunnydale?" 

**Fred, Lorne and Gunn:**   
"What's Sunnydale?" 

CUT TO  
SCENE: A board room.  
  
ANGEL and a group of WRITERS are sitting at a long table, talking with WB SUITS, including station owners KELLNER and LEVINE.

**Angel:**   
"I'm just a Dork!Vamp, on a poor spin-off" 

**Writers:**   
"He's just a Dork!Vamp, on a poor spin off   
Forget his life with little old Buff!" 

**Angel:**   
"Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?" 

**Kellner and Levine:**   
"UPN!   
No, we will not let you go!" 

**Writers:**   
"Let him go!" 

**Kellner and Levine:**   
"UPN! We will not let you go!" 

**Writers:**   
"Let him go!" 

**Kellner and Levine:**   
"UPN! We will not let you go!" 

**Writers:**   
"Let him go!" 

**Kellner and Levine:**   
"Will not let you go!" 

**Writers:**   
"Let him go!" 

**Kellner and Levine:**   
"Never! Never let you go!" 

**Writers:**   
"Let me go!" 

**Kellner and Levine:**   
"Never let you go!" 

**Writers:**   
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!   
Oh mama mia, mama mia!" 

**Angel** (he's reading some new scripts):   
"For God's sake, let me go!" 

**Kellner and Levine:**   
"Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me!   
For me!   
For me!" 

CUT TO  
SCENE: Wesley's apartment

We can see LILAH lying on the bed behind WESLEY, and through the open wardrobe door JUSTINE is sitting, bound and gagged. LILAH is asleep, clearly having been ravished and satisfied as WESLEY sits on the edge of the bed. His hair is rumpled, his shirt open to reveal that chest you just want to run your hands down and... sorry. Dru I was in the moment /Dru.

**Wesley:**   
"So you think you can choke me and spit in my eye   
I'm the next sex symbol who's morally dry!   
Oh Angel -- can't do this to me, Angel   
I just gotta forget -- just gotta forget to shave!" 

CUT TO  
Mutant Enemy offices. There's a mountain of money on the table, and from behind the green paper we gradually see JOSS. 

**Joss:**   
"Ooh yeah, ooh yeah   
Think this really matters?   
Critics all can see   
Plotlines never matter -- plotlines never matter to me" 

**Angel** (Voice Over):   
"Anyway the curse goes..." 

THE END

Lyrics alone:

**Fans:**   
"Is this the real show?   
Or is it sick fantasies?   
Ratings will landslide,   
Let's escape this reality. 

Open your eyes, look at all the crap and see..." 

**Angel:**   
"I'm just a Dork!Vamp, but I need your empathy.   
Because the soul will come, soul will go, little high, little low;   
Any way the curse goes, doesn't really matter to me, to me." 

**David Greenwalt:**   
"Jossy, just killed your show:   
Put Cordy in his head, started filming, now it's dead.   
Jossy, it had just begun,   
And now you've gone and taken it away!   
Jossy, oooo,   
Didn't mean to make them bleed --   
Surely fans can live without their eyes?   
But I'll leave, but I'll leave... as if it doesn't matter." 

**Cordy:**   
"Too late, I'm higher now,   
We'll pretend that it's all fine, though I'm glowing all the time.   
Goodbye, everybody, I've got to float,   
But don't hold your breath for me to go and die." 

**David Greenwalt:**   
"Jossy, oooo, I don't want to leave,   
I sometimes wish I'd never been here at all!" 

**Fans:**   
"I see a little silhouetto of a bitch!" 

**Fred and Lorne:**   
"Get her out! Get her out! Kye-rumption and Moira!" 

**Conner:**   
"Vampire as my father? Could it get much harder? No!" 

**Fred, Lorne and Gunn:**   
"Buffy who?" 

**Angel:**   
"Buffy who?" 

**Fred, Lorne and Gunn:**   
"Buffy who?" 

**Angel:**   
"Buffy who? Buffy who in Sunnydale?" 

**Fred, Lorne and Gunn:**   
"What's Sunnydale?" 

**Angel:**   
"I'm just a Dork!Vamp, on a poor spin-off" 

**Writers:**   
"He's just a Dork!Vamp, on a poor spin off   
Forget his life with little old Buff!" 

**Angel:**   
"Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?" 

**Kellner and Levine:**   
"UPN!   
No, we will not let you go!" 

**Fans:**   
"Let him go!" 

**Kellner and Levine:**   
"UPN! We will not let you go!" 

**Fans:**   
"Let him go!" 

**Kellner and Levine:**   
"UPN! We will not let you go!" 

**Fans:**   
"Let him go!" 

**Kellner and Levine:**   
"Will not let you go!" 

**Fans:**   
"Let him go!" 

**Kellner and Levine:**   
"Never! Never let you go!" 

**Fans:**   
"Let me go!" 

**Kellner and Levine:**   
"Never let you go!" 

**Fans:**   
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!   
Oh mama mia, mama mia!" 

**Angel:**   
"For God's sake, let me go!" 

**Kellner and Levine:**   
"Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me!   
For me!   
For me!" 

**Wesley:**   
"So you think you can choke me and spit in my eye   
I'm the next sex symbol who's morally dry!   
Oh Angel -- can't do this to me, Angel   
I just gotta forget -- just gotta forget to shave!" 

**Joss:**   
"Ooh yeah, ooh yeah   
Think this really matters?   
Critics all can see   
Plotlines never matter -- plotlines never matter to me" 

**Angel:**   
"Anyway the curse goes..." 

THE END Please leave a review!!! 


End file.
